15 Things Learned from 15 years of Marriage


  1. I am not telepathic, but my wife apparently is.
  2. I have corrected eyesight, but apparently no vision, at least for car keys, my wallet, or for my wife’s inner thoughts (see #1).
  3. I am one of several things in a list that includes: 3 guppies in a fish tank, several potted plants and shrubbery around the house, my son (he’ll learn), bills, and internal combustion engine maintenance that she has to “take care of.” Gone from the list are our departed beta fish and hermit crab. I suppose I’ll join them one day, out in the garden.
  4. I drive too rough, too slow, too fast, and with far too little consideration of others, mostly her.
  5. My sense of direction aided by GPS, Google maps, and more GPS cannot possibly match her extraordinary geosynchronicity.
  6. She’s right, I’m wrong (repeat)
  7. There can never be enough retellings of all the family disasters that have occurred from the moment we met regarding my side of the family.
  8. She’ll put up with enough golf in my life, but draws the line at the Porsche 911 Turbo 4S in Darth Vader Black -but I really don’t care about that stuff.
  9. I’m good for opening jars of jam.
  10. She’s suspicious of all the time I spend writing, but generally refuses to read it -finds it boring.
  11. My memory for detail regarding emotions, clothing, people know, and minutiae of our intimate life are greatly aided by blogging so that strangers can remember for me. Hi guys.
  12. I proposed after a 4 month courtship because I kind of knew no one else would put up with me. I now know that men as they age, if they are without women in their lives in the form of a wife, a girlfriend, or daughter, look like nothing else but homeless men.
  13. I know she loves me because she’s still here of her own free will.
  14. I’m not as half-witted as she generally makes me out to be -I married her after all.
  15. I love her very much.

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