The Mandibulous -updated

cate-blanchett-picture-5My grandmother told me that a person’s face determines their character and behavior. I thought it was one of many old Korean sayings and fables that have been handed downs since the Ice Age, but as I have lived these two score years, I do believe that she had something.


Our development is a balance of hormones which like the yin and yang symbol to the right, the male hormones -the androgens, and the female hormones, the estrogens, both exist in men and women and play a role in behavior. Their longterm effects are written on the faces. 

chyna-talk-060700-02The masculine jawline and heavier nose and brow ridges (frontal bossing) is a result of androgen influences. Aggression and sex drive seem to be associated with androgens, as well as increased muscle mass and low body fat. That is why Chyna Laurer formerly of the WWF looks like a man -she was taking steroids and it shows on her face with the heavy mandible, the thicker nose -and where it doesn’t show is the 3 inch long clitoris growing into a penis and the labia majora growing into a scrotum. Mudflaps indeed! The testosterone increased her muscle mass and decreased her body fat (she required breast implants after her natural breasts melted away). It probably also made her aggressive, both sexually and in general behavior. 

Cate Blanchett shown at top has many of the cardinal features of the mandibulous female -the strong nose and jawline, the deep voice, and brooding eyes under sharp brows. If she is anything like the characters that she chooses to play, she is likely very aggressive and probably always trying to wear the pants (which she does in the movies). stone001

Natural aging brings on mandibulousness -note Sharon Stone in her youth and a more recent picture of her. The decrease in estrogens brought on by menopause causes a relative uptick in the androgens -and thus mandibulousness. It’s a fact, that as our women age, they become manlier -women losing hair and growing mustaches is one of the biological costs of living past our natural evolved age of 20 or so. But, even one of our founding fathers, Ben Franklin, noted that mature women are the ideal first liasons of a young man as they not only have the experience but the urge -mandibulous. Here are more examples:


Mandibulous, and likely hornier than on the left

Mandibulous, and likely hornier than on the left

Mandibulous indeed!

Mandibulous indeed!

The gals with the soft roundish features, the girly girls, are not the ones likely to have the high hormonally driven sex drives, and are the ones most likely to gather fat around the hips and thighs and have a high brooding index -need to roost and decorate the house obsessively, eat chocolate, and have strategic headaches. It’s the tomboys who are the aggressors, and it is the MILF-y cougar who is strong of jaw and deep of voice who will likely tear your appendages off.

Addendum 2-25-2009

This idea is well illustrated in the recent SNL skit Cougar den (link).  All the characters are deep voiced, horny older women. Though meant as a caricature, they get it wrong. It isn’t that they are desperate for lack of sex -they are desperate due to an imbalance of androgen to estrogen. This is why you can go to Wal Mart and buy a back massaging wand with all those nubbly appendages on its round vibrating head. Men with back problems are not purchasing these.

Live Forever

The hyperbaric chamber reached mythical status when it was found that Michael Jackson slept in one at the height of his fame. Once the patient is sealed in the tank, the pressure in the tank is sent up to several atmospheres with increased levels of oxygen. This is useful in treating decompression sickness (the bends), carbon monoxide poisoning, and maybe some nonhealing wounds.

It sits in an unused part of the hospital, but I can understand its charms. It has a sci-fi movie feel to it, and the only way to talk to the person inside is via a telephone -COOL! It makes you think of pharoahs, pyramids, and immortality. It’s just a plexiglass pressure tank. 

Why do people want to live forever? It’s a supreme form of egotism. I rather like the view that being subjected to life is much like playing a round of golf on a municipal course on a sunny Saturday in the spring. It takes patience, a bit of smiling when you don’t want to, and the reflexes to duck when you hear “fore.” If this is life, then heaven is an championship caliber course in prime condition empty behind and ahead of you, with your favorite chosen companions, your stalwarts, playing by your side. 

The Indebted

The great international shrinkage is upon us. The shriveling, the destaturing, the descending, call it what you will. I watched the President’s speech last night, and gave it a B+. I think that I’m getting kind of used to inspiring speech from him -it’s called refractoriness. My 100 meaningful conversation rule applies to him as well as any friend (over course of a relationship, one should and can only have 100 meaningful conversations before the relationship ends), and with his books and speeches, the President is on #58 or so.

I have a very good friend who decided to divest from Western Civilization in 2001 after 9/11. He had been reading books about peak oil, and had recommended to me Mr. Kunstler’s The Long Emergency. He bailed out of his 401k’s and mutual funds, and put them all into gold and oil, did very well by the way, and now is building a compound off the grid in some undisclosed location in the Pacific Northwest. 

The only problem I have with that scheme -of going it alone in the woods with a lot of guns, plans for a vegetable garden, and long hours fishing and hunting, is that it completely disregards the lessons of zombie movies. ‘Nuff said.

It takes a community to survive these times. It takes caring neighbors and taking care of neighbors. We’re social creatures whose evolution was based on bands, small groups. Your neighbors and your relationship with them is your assurance of safety in the difficult times ahead. 

By some accounts, the recession will be over by this fall. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.