Golf Transparency -what to do with the 76?

scorecard818Submitted for you consideration is a recent quick nine holes played yesterday evening. Though not as dramatic as my recent 76, it does show an important trend for me -that I’m putting better and I am hitting some very nice approaches. Number 7 was a bogey that shouldn’t have been -I drove right, topped an intended punch in to the fairway bunker  138 yards out, and landed an 8 iron to 6 feet -missed par by millimeters. Felt very comfortable in my skin throughout -even after the topped punch -I breathed and moved on. In retrospect, I had no business trying to fade punch out of deep rough.

I thought about the 76 and whether to submit it to GHIN. I think because of the format, it basically takes 12 strokes off your likely score. 88 is definitely in my wheelhouse. But in fairness, I certainly don’t feel like a 22 handicapper, and think my game has turned around. So is GHIN something you gin up, something to spin to an “appropriate” level?

I think you just have to report everything, unedited. The Handicap is designed to reflect your average, but also your potential. I know my potential is there from where I’ve been and where I want to go. There is nothing to gin up -you report your score. That is golf transparency.

Here it is:

ghin

The HAC 2009 -and a breakthrough

montageThe 2009 HAC was played yesterday with the highest attendance ever. The teams were composed of an A, B, C, D level player and played on a 6/6/6 format of individual, shamble, and scramble format based on the difficulty of the hole. Waveland offered a challenging, classic layout and it was spiced up by a torrential downpour around midday.

waveland scorecard

My round of 76, with help from my team on the shambles and scrambles, was a bit of a revelation. I had six birdies, four of which occurred on an individual or shamble hole. I was playing in a different place with no fear or thought. I was possessed of a great awareness and presence, but had no definite perception of space or time. It was just ball and myself, and a pleasant time moving through the grass. Every component of my game was functioning, and even the triple and double bogies that occurred during the downpour were snap hooks out of bounds with a slippery grip, and I played after stroke and distance bogey and par on those holes. The putting was just simply perfectly dependable with an occasional long putt going in.

I hope this lasts through the rest of the season. I attribute some of this to a book I read the night before the tournament -Zen Golf: Mastering the Mental Game by Joseph Parent (link). Will keep you updated.

We won by the way, thanks to the efforts of MD, TB, and TW. Thanks to all!

Addendum: 8/16/2009

Here is the HAC trophy, also known as the Wedgie, sitting alone among my wife’s numerous tennis trophies.

SNC10525It is known as the wedgie for its features below:

SNC10526

Not Everything is What it Seems but It’s All Clear to Me

IMG_0245This image, of student protester, Benno Ohnesorg, in slain in 1967, West Germany, by a West German police officer, was one of the images of the cold war that stuck with me. The woman hovering above the poor head shot fellow looks like an angel from one of those paintings at a war memorial cradling a slain soldier. He had been protesting the state visit of the Shah of Iran. The officer, Karl Heinz-Kurras (pictured) was exonerated. 27germany-1-190bThe picture is from Heinz-Kurras’ East German Communist party membership card (NY Times article). He was a member of the East German security apparatus, or Stasi -this being uncovered just this past week.

Benno Ohnesorg became the focal point of a lot of activism and social change, but also the beacon for Red Army terrorists. We don’t know if Heinz-Kurras was acting on orders or it was an accident.

The news of Dr. George Tiller’s assassination will be another flashpoint in our endless culture war. The far right will probably link this event to some chess move from the left to create a martyr. Certainly we are headed that way from all of the tweets and blog entries I’ve had the stomach to review today, because he is being made into a martyr. I wonder if Dr. Tiller (picture below) had any choice in this.

The abortion question is the one issue that threatens our democracy more than anything else because terrorists have acted on their fanaticism. This is our battle -we are in a death match with ignorance. It’s the twenty first century versus the 11th century.

01tiller_450Our battle is lost in big ways and little. The big ways have to do with the dilution of excellence, diminishing of expectations and standards, and the coarsening of discourse. The little ways have to do with the choices we make -football practice over violin practice, watching American Idol versus thinking, and buying crap, lots of it.

The descendants do descend -I see perfectly well mannered and literate seniors accompanied by less educated and less mannered children and even worse grandchildren. If the greatest generation is on the wane, we are living in a post-Periclean age of reduction. The barbarians are inside the gate. They are us.

If we are to get past this, we need to focus on educating, getting people literate in science and the arts. If George Tiller is to become a martyr, let him become a martyr for modernity and the 21st century.

Cart Path of Destiny

img_0198Only 10 more days until they unleash the dogs onto Wakonda’s newly resurfaced fairways and greens. The loss of old growth oaks around the greens to ensure 8 hours of summer light may signify changes in the character of the course or just a hair cut. I favor the latter.

I recently started following Twitter and was amazed at the ability to narrowcast my interests to a likeminded group of people. The story of the week is Staff Sergeant William Vile’s disappearance -he is officially MIA (link). The action resulted in US casualties -follow it on http://www.milblogging.com and http://www.bouhammer.com. Political persuasion aside, you have to hear it from the people on the lines to make an informed opinion. As much as Huffingtonpost amuses me, to rely on any single news channel (includes you people tuning Fox in the doctors’ lounge) invites tunnel vision.

We’re on the 7th hole of 2009, and we’re going about 4 over. Hopefully, we’ll finish out this nine with a few birdies, including finding SSG W. Vile.

The Masters, of golf

img_1526The picture above shows a buff President Washington with a six pack posing as Zeus, king of the gods. This kind of florid, frankly, but likely unknowingly, homoerotic display, was typical of the 19th century men who commissioned this work. These men were confident in their mastery over the land and its peoples; they were sure of their place in the world. This kind of confidence brought about the American Century (the 20th) and colors us to this day. It was men with this uncluttered view of their place in the world that brought us Augusta National and the Masters. The neocons that ran purple rampant this past decade hark to this tradition, but I digress. It is dangerous to apply the morals and ethics of the moment to the decisions and actions of the past, just as it is to do use the morals and ethics of the 19th century to view the situations of the present. The beauty of Augusta National is something to behold, at least on television in High-Definition. But like an old line Southern family, there are a lot of bones in those closets. The Masters is a perfect bellwether of America’s difficult relationship with race, gender, and elitism. The Masters transcends golf, but because of golf, it is saved.

As a tournament of golf, the Masters, conceived and founded by Bobby Jones, is unique among the modern major golf tournaments in that it is held in the same place every year. This conservatism is the outward manifestation of a deep conservatism in the membership, and from its founding, the world view was  antiquarian and antebellum.

On one hand, it means that the very spot where Sarazen hit his shot heard around the world is an actual spot that you can see during the tournament. Past champions, members, and gallery attendees provide a living link all the way back to Jones, and the founding of golf in America and Britain. It also is a tournament that until several decades ago, insisted that only Augusta National caddies looped for the players -they were all African American wearing distinctively white overalls. This visual from my childhood of white guys strolling with black guys in crazy white mechanics uniforms carrying their bags in a tournament in Georgia called “The Masters” gave me clear notice as a teen in Jacksonville, Florida in the 80’s where progress really was.

This kind of haughtiness lampooned in Caddyshack but not half as funny when the membership’s frostiness to the brown skinned Lee Trevino caused him to let anger keep him from performing to his prowess at the Masters -he even boycotted it for two years and called it a “stupid course.” This is the thing -in America, up to the 1980’s, the popular media normalized blacks with such shows as the Jeffersons, the Cosby Show, and Urkel, but the Masters bucked the trend and showed where we really were at that time. When I was in high school, the San Jose Country Club, where my golf team practiced, was the site of a choral recital. An old lady (white), walked out of a concert there because several members of the chorus were African American. Restricted meant no blacks, Jews, or Asians. A club had fallen on hard times indeed if it let me in -and indeed, this was the kind of club we joined -Baymeadows in 1983, to get easy access to golf.  It also played into that club’s view of diversity having some “Chinee” in the locker room. The club has since closed down due to stress in the real estate market.

This changed slowly. In 1975, Lee Elder, played at the Masters, breaking the color line. In 1983, the requirement to use Augusta National caddies, uniformly African American, was rescinded -which had the unfortunate side effect of the African American caddies disappearing. The tsunami then occurred in 1997 with Tiger’s lopsided victory, but even there, the line was being defended, by Fuzzy Zoeller who stupidly had to make that remark about serving fried chicken.

“He’s doing quite well, pretty impressive. That little boy is driving well and he’s putting well. He’s doing everything it takes to win. So, you know what you guys do when he gets in here? You pat him on the back and say congratulations and enjoy it and tell him not to serve fried chicken next year. Got it.” Zoeller then smiled, snapped his fingers, and walked away before turning and adding, “or collard greens or whatever the hell they serve.” (ref).

It cost Zoeller millions, but it was clear that it was the Freudian slip of a significant part of the nation. I don’t think there is a cross burning, lynching, evil-redneck bone in Zoeller’s body and his life of gentlemanly behavior on the course redeems him. The towel waving at the 1984 US Open was beautiful and epitomizes and elevates the game. He was joking, and he is known to be a joker, but in serving up Don Rickels at THAT MOMENT made Tiger’s victory all the more poignant.

It is telling that Augusta National in the years since Tiger’s victory, worked very hard to lengthen and strengthen the course. As if a fortress, once overrun decides “never again” by digging deeper moats and higher walls. The course which was suppose to be timeless, was lengthened in response to modern equipment. But modern equipment had been around since persimmon was dropped for graphite then steel then titanium, way before Tiger. The rough which had always been short, had allowed for a greater range of risk-reward, is now US Open style growth -the kind that gets you in trouble with not only the wife but also the neighbors if you forget to mow. This because of Tiger who has won four Masters.

The current battle is over the admission of women. This is not a problem at many clubs because of finances have dropped class, race, and religion for simple money, but it remains in the strange custom of Ladies Day -usually Tuesday after the club is mowed on Mondays. Meant to reserve the course for women as a tradeoff for restricting them from play on the weekends, it is a shameful reminder of the same antediluvian instincts that created exclusive clubs in the first place. The solution is very straightforward and fair -if you can’t play a hole in 10 minutes, you shouldn’t play on the weekends during prime time. And this is the strange thing that I have discovered in using Augusta National as our bellwether. Its accuracy is undoubtable -we now have an African-American President a decade after Tiger’s acceptance into Augusta National. Augusta’s line on women members reveals the last true fault line -one that I had frankly doubted in many heated college dorm arguments with feminist friends. The lady, my friends, is the last nigger.

So why do we watch the Masters despite its failings? It is the golf, of course.

Golf doesn’t care about your race, your viewpoint, your class, or gender. It’s the ball going from here to there, and its story a perfect mirror of your character and integrity. Life is not perfect, and nobody’s golf is, but golf holds out the promise of a more perfect round, and really a more perfect individual and nation.


My Picks:

The Iowans: Zach Johnson and Jack Newman

The Korean-American and Korean-Kiwi: Anthony Kim and Danny Lee

The Irishmen: Rory McIlroy and Padraig Harrington

The Cablinasion: E. Tiger Woods

The Chicago Cubs: Phil Mickelson and Greg Norman

and my final pick:

Fred Couples -I have modeled my swing intentionally on his effortless mechanics since I was a kid watching Boom Boom take the TPC in 1984 -I was there.

The Trustworthy

The Iowa Orchards on Meredith Parkway in Urbandale, Iowa, is a working apple orchard. It processes apples into all sorts of appley good products including a world class apple pie. The shop is open 7 days a week from 9 to 6, but there is no one there. You pick your items and you put the cash in the honor box. The lesson in values is enormous. I could take everything including the box and walk out. There are no cameras. I am completely alone.

This us the same situation you are in playing golf alone. You could give yourself Mulligans, kick the ball out of the rough, and give yourself putts, but that would be no different than stealing apple pies from the good people of Iowa Orchards. I take two frozen double crusts and put a twenty in the box. Par.

Live Forever

The hyperbaric chamber reached mythical status when it was found that Michael Jackson slept in one at the height of his fame. Once the patient is sealed in the tank, the pressure in the tank is sent up to several atmospheres with increased levels of oxygen. This is useful in treating decompression sickness (the bends), carbon monoxide poisoning, and maybe some nonhealing wounds.

It sits in an unused part of the hospital, but I can understand its charms. It has a sci-fi movie feel to it, and the only way to talk to the person inside is via a telephone -COOL! It makes you think of pharoahs, pyramids, and immortality. It’s just a plexiglass pressure tank. 

Why do people want to live forever? It’s a supreme form of egotism. I rather like the view that being subjected to life is much like playing a round of golf on a municipal course on a sunny Saturday in the spring. It takes patience, a bit of smiling when you don’t want to, and the reflexes to duck when you hear “fore.” If this is life, then heaven is an championship caliber course in prime condition empty behind and ahead of you, with your favorite chosen companions, your stalwarts, playing by your side. 


The 100th Conversation

 

couple001It is established, at least to my mind, that a person can only have a hundred meaningful conversations in the course of a relationship, and it is folly to run through them in the first several years of said relationship. In postponing these conversations, you maintain some semblance of mystery and self-hood. The process of having one of these results one of the participants being spiritually absorbed, to the one-hundredth part, by the hungrier party. This is usually the woman who is the devourer. It is never a bright thing to allow oneself to be spiritually phagocytized.

I was recently eating lunch with my son G at Gateway Market, our local version of Whole Foods, and I saw this couple in earnest conversation. What could he be saying that left the young lady in such a serious pose? I could imagine this:

Marty: “You know, you were the best of the lot.”

Rose: “What do you mean.”

Marty: “I figured I had these criteria when I was single and looking around. Looks, money, intelligence, personality, and cooking ability.” 

Rose: “Oh. What are you saying, I was a compromise.”

Marty: “No, you are the complete package, sweetums.”

And that would be it. Marty has no where to go but down. This picture was taken probably about ninety minutes after the start of the conversation. 

Rose: “So you mean there were prettier girls?”

Marty: “In one sense, sure, but that’s when you break down looks by face, boobs, legs, and ass. Any one woman may predominate in one category, but might be completely zero in other more important categories.”

Rose: “So you made a conscious choice? You had a spreadsheet!”

Marty: “No honey, when I saw you, I knew you were the one…”

As G and I smacked away at our food, the Titanic was sinking right before us. Here was the human condition at a yuppy café in Des Moines. 

Rose: “What kind person are you! Do I know you! How can you reduce a woman down to parts like a chicken -drumstick, thigh, breast and wing? How dare you sum me up by personability and money and the ability to make a soufflé!”

Marty: “Snookums, I was just making conversation.”

This is why the couples that last 50-75 years together sit in resplendent silence. Our life spans are far beyond what nature had intended. Nature had intended that we be run down by hyenas at the ripe old age of 20. My advice: shut up!

What honey? I’m talking to the people in the computer again. About nothing…

The Lying Chimp

chimpIt is a known fact that chimps, like people, lie. Featured in a New York Times Science article (link), the propensity to lie is proportionate to the amount of neocortex, brain matter. Then it is no surprise that we tell lies with with leisurely ease. On the most simple level, a lie is a method for obtaining a tangible goal -usually food. A two year old will learn that telling his mommy, “I’m hungry” can cause the large primate to be at his beck and call. The texture and complexities of the lies increase exponentially, so by the time the child is five, the lies are sublime in their manifest self awareness and contextual rigor. 

But our beliefs are riddled with fables and legends, unprovable tests of faith. Isn’t this the most evolved feature of humanity -the great ability to lie to ourselves?

Merry Christmas!

The Denier

 

Seen Better Days

Seen Better Days

Among the psychological defense mechanisms, denial is considered among the more dangerous. It’s because the denier is meddling with external reality. Denial is the quiet little sister to her sociopathic older brother, delusion. There are few comforts afforded a family man of forty -the golf eked out in small bits here and there, overeating, and pontificating ad nauseum about himself. If these few shabby activities are over-the-counter remedies for the pain of standing upon the summit of your life and seeing not the road home behind you, but a cold remorseless downhill march to a corpsy slumber in the dark valley below in front of you, then denial is pure opium. 

If you are a middle aged man with too much hair where the sun doesn’t shine and not enough where it does -Deny it! Go and buy that Porsche 911 Turbo and a Brazilian (the wax job). If you don’t get spontaneous erections at the drop of a dime (picture your hot high school teacher bending over to pick it up), Deny it! Go get yourself some of those boner pills and get prepared to pester your loved one all weekend. Or if there is no soup there, go book a room in a hotel with wifi and pay for view -some of those pills claim bioactivity for 36 hours so go to town, big boy (what do you think all those towels are for?). Feeling flabby? Suck your gut in. Feeling blue? There’s always bacon, my man.

 You are strong, gifted, talented, fleet, accomplished, humorous, witty, charming, humble, handsome, heroic, and just too shiny. You look in the mirror and see Zeus, king of the gods. Flee before me mortals before I strike thee with lightning bolts shooting out of my ass! Kneel befo…what was that honey? Who am I talking to? It’s the people in the computer. Okay, I’ll keep it down…