Bow Ties

  • No longer just for overweight, angry men. 
  • Should be hand tied
  • Should be worn without irony.
  • Should be worn from the get-go, meaning from the time you start wearing ties. A late start brings on questions about mid-life crises, neo-retro hip-to-be-squareness, and excessive fanciness.
  • No longer just for skinny, old, popcorn selling men. 
  • More hygienic than neckties, especially when inspecting gangrenous feet. 
  • There can only be one. Too many bow tie wearers in a group makes people uneasy. 
  • Avoid wearing with floppy hat, green wax cotton coats, and wellies because then you look like Paddington bear. 
  • Worn properly, you’ll get taken very, very seriously. Very few people can pull it off properly.